Every 10th Starfish

GREAT NEWS

2009-05-05T13:58:00.000-07:00

The book's spine and dust jacket are being worked on now, not much longer until it's on the shelf!

Until then, here are two more reviews:

"Every 10th Starfish is a heartwarming, realistic portrayal of a family opening their hearts to help a hurting child lost in the foster care system. As the pages unfold, you will see how one person really can make a difference." - Michelle Ropeter, LCSW, RPT

"This is one of those rare books that hood you in the beginning and you can't put it down. Being an adoptive child myself, I can totally relate to the ups and downs in Annie's life and the feelings that go along with it. Also being a parent to an adoptive child, I have seen how far love, patience, and guidance can take a child." - Cindy Dionisi

Our Third Review

2009-03-24T13:38:00.000-07:00

Review - Leta Cooper LCSW

It is no secret that the foster system in our country for children is flawed despite the dedicated personnel and foster parents who do their best to make it work. We don't have enough foster homes, children are moved frequently, and the foster parents are dealing with children who arrive at their homes with very serious emotional issues they are not professionally trained to handle.

While this story gives us some insight into the flawed foster care system it is not a book centered on enlightening us about the system and ways to remedy it. Instead it is a story of one foster parent and child and their journey together through this flawed system.

Sandy went into this experience with hopes of helping Annie become like her own children. While this did not happen, she did help Annie to become a better person. Sandy, had to find other means to parent Annie, a foster child coming into a new foster home expecting to fail and be rejected. Annie challenged Sandy and her family at every step. Sandy remained consistent through the entire process despite the many challenges, but it wasn't enough to heal all of Annie's wounds. Annie found it too hard to accept and trust the love she received in Sandy's home and in the end left to find the answers for herself back home. When she couldn't make her mother into the parent she dreamed of, she became a parent herself.

While this is not a story with a happy ending in which Annie lives happily ever after, she does come through the journey with new skills and some awareness of the power of love. Annie doesn't reach her potential, but she shows that she is able to draw from the experience of being in a stable, loving home to help her parent her own child more successfully. So that perhaps Annie's child will never experience the painful childhood that Annie did.

This story is a gripping, realistic picture of the power of real people who deal with the most difficult issues of troubled children. It does not glamorize being a foster parent, but instead it shows us the difficulties encountered by both the parent and the child in this process. We witness the raw emotions, the pain, and the strength it takes to be in the fostering process. And yes at times the happiness of making a positive step towards health.

Sandy opens herself up to share the emotional struggles she experienced to help Annie. It is a heart warming depiction of one woman's attempt to make a difference in one teenager's life. This book is written to encourage the professionals who work with these children, the foster parents who deal daily with similar issues, and for the foster children who think they are alone and unloved.

I have known Sandy Knauer professionally for many years. She is an excellent therapist and is especially effective with sexually abused adolescents. However, it is through reading this book, that I have come to know how truly exceptional she is as a person.

Second Review!!

2009-03-24T13:37:00.001-07:00

EVERY 10TH STARFISH -- Book review
Patricia Dice LMT

This is the story of child sexual abuse and the terrible emotional, mental and physical havoc wreaked upon innocent children, especially when the sex offenders are parents and/or members of the same family. Sandy Knauer is a social worker who has committed her professional and personal life to healing herself and other victims of this brutality since she, too, was a victim of child sex abuse. As Sandy fights to give Annie, a deeply troubled 15-year-old, a home and family when no one else would take her, the reader has a chance to learn, step by step, how such a relationship can help heal the hearts, minds and souls of these innocent, victimized children. Without such an example of familial love and commitment, such children can scarcely hope to know how to behave, let alone be successful in life. They only know how to perpetuate the brutality and abuse they have experienced, extending it endlessly through generations ahead.

Loving Annie is not easy. Annie fights Sandy and her husband, Carl, every inch of the way. Annie had grown so used to making her own decisions in her young life that she fights hard to maintain her freedom. Sandy first assumed that Annie would welcome being part of a loving family, only to find that Annie was deeply committed to returning to live with her biological mother, who had long since realized she could not control her headstrong daughter. Eventually Annie triea unsuccessfully to integrate her two families by hiding her brother under her bed. . Sandy realized that Annie had idealized her mother and was fighting a losing battle, but she was unable to convince Annie of this truth. When Annie left Sandy and Carl’s home and got pregnant, she finally made her wish to return to her mother a reality. Only then could Annie finally understand her mother’s limitations. Predictably, the dream Annie had of an idealized life with her mother failed, once again leaving Annie destitute, this time with a baby of her own to raise.

The readers get to watch the Titanic struggle between Sandy and Annie and see their love for each other as it evolves. Sandy uses each obstacle as a learning experience, because she believes that God sends us difficulties from which we must learn and grow. It is awesome and inspiring, a rare privilege, to witness the compassion, dedication and gentle love that Sandy Knauer relies on to begin to heal the foster children and the flawed, inadequate system that currently is their only support. Sandy hopes others will join her in this monumental, uphill battle to improve the lives of these important children, the Starfish on the beaches of our lives.

OUR FIRST REVIEW

2008-08-08T10:09:00.001-07:00

Thank you so much Dr. Julie Wilgen for submitting our first review :

Dr. Julie Wilgen’s Review of Every 10th Starfish by Sandy Knauer

Every 10th Starfish chronicles the journey of a troubled teen Annie and her psychotherapist foster mother Sandy Knauer through a series of letters exploring the challenges each faced in their quest to find the right balance of understanding and setting boundaries. The author shows insight and empathy as she and her family tried to provide a stable home for Annie in spite of difficult circumstances. She helps the reader to understand what foster families experience emotionally as they try to adapt to the needs of Annie, who has a history of sexual abuse and other types of physical and emotional abuse, and who, in her 15 short years, had been in 22 foster placements, group homes, psychiatric hospitals, and alternative schools.

This is not a Cinderella story but rather addresses tough choices that real-life Annie and Sandy’s family must face and the reality of letting go of family members as a result of death, addiction, and recalcitrant behavior. This book will open the readers’ minds and hearts to the kind of strength and love that is required to be a foster family and to enable the 10th starfish to survive. It also raises the question of what happens to all the other starfish and foster children who fall through the safety net. It is interesting reading!

NOTE: The reviewer Julie M. Wilgen, Ph.D., teaches in the Dept of Human Development and Family Studies at the University of Delaware.

Publishing

2008-07-29T10:46:00.001-07:00

Thanks for checking out the blog for my new book Every 10th Starfish. We finally finished typing it so we're one step closer.

The cover art is being designed now and after that it should be published no later than December of 2008.

We cannot wait to have this story told!

Every 10th Starfish - the author

2008-07-29T10:41:00.000-07:00

Sandra Knauer is a Licensed Clincial Social Worker. Her undergraduate degree is from the University of Delaware. Her graduate degree is from Delaware State University. Sandy is the published author of two books dealing with sexual abuse and addictions. She has her CADC to deal with addictions and is a Certified Sex Therapist through the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists. She currently owns Middletown Counseling Services, a psychotherapy practice, in Middletown, Delaware. She is the biological parent of three adult children, two grandchildren, and a grown foster daughter with two children.

For more information about Sandra's books and counseling center, please visit middletowncounseling.com